TJ

“ TJ is dead”. The words lingered in my mind as my whole body went numb I fell to the ground, my mom’s arms wrapped around me. Sobbing we both sat there, I had a million questions but I couldn't find the words; even if I did have the words I couldn't speak them. I couldn't process the thought. It felt like a bad dream but as I sat there it all became more real to me. One of the only people I could tell everything to was gone forever.  As I sat there it never hit me that the closest thing I had to a brother was gone just like that.

The words played over and over again in my head. Those are some of that last words that I thought I would ever have to hear, I wish I hadn't of had to hear them either. The pain still sinking in, I thought about all the funny things that made TJ such a fun person to be around. I thought about how he was just about to start living his life when suddenly he had no life to live. I thought of the last time I saw him and I could just play the scene in my head. I realized I couldn't just go to his house whenever I wanted just to talk to him, I can’t hear his joyful laugh that when you hear it you can’t help but laugh with him. He just made me happy whenever I was around him.

Before all of this happened I remember thinking about how sad I was going to be when he went off to college this year. Now he went away but never came back. My life will never be the same without him here, every time I’m outside doing something I turn around expecting him to be standing there waving at me with his skateboard in hand and his purple hat that made his hair look like a vibrant orange. That’s how I remember him the last time I saw his face and the last time I talked to him.

That morning I could tell there was something wrong when I saw his mom standing by my back door she just looked lost but I didn't talk to her because my mom answered the door. Awhile after his mom came to my door I heard my mom come back in and she called me down, usually she would just yell up to me and tell me what she needed or something , but I could tell it was different as I slowly walked down the stairs and saw her crying my last thought would have been that he had died.  As the words that came out it stung my ears. People say you never know what you have until you have lost it, but I knew what I had I just never thought I would lose it, he was supposed to be there with me through everything. That day realizing he was out of my life killed me inside but no matter what he will still in my memories forever.